I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
