When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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