So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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