sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
