Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
