I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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