I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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