I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
