The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
