He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
