when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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