I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
