Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
