Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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