he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
