Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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