My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
