Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
