Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
