i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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