Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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