Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
