please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
