Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
