That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
