five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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