God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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