i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
