that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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