Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
