I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
