My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
