allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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