I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
