The maid of honor just puked.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
