no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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