What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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