the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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