And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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