rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
