my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
