Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
