Please, let me fuck your mom
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
