need another drink. this is the easiest way
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
try to milk me bitch
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
