mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
True but thats because hes a fetus.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
