there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Text me some of your sweat
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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