I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
