Everything about him screamed your future.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Alive.
So much puke
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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