What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
