We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
