Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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