Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
