I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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